You have heard that it was said, “Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.” But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Matthew 5:38-41, NIV
When we experience deep, soul-aching hurt, our first instinct is often self-preservation.
Maybe we’re angry at people, circumstances, or outcomes. Maybe we’re tempted to retreat, retaliate, or simply shut down. The world understands this kind of reaction. In fact, it expects it. To a non-believer, it wouldn’t be surprising if Christians responded to pain with matched animosity, action, or hurt. After all, hurting people hurt people.
But Jesus invites us into a better way.
There was no self-preservation on the cross, only selfless mercy and grace. The cross wasn’t a place of retaliation but of redemption. Instead of condemnation, Jesus offered forgiveness.
Paul writes in Romans 12:2, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”
God’s way is different. And I had to be reminded of that firsthand.
I was nearing the end of my first year as an administrator when I received unexpected news: I was being demoted by my local school board and superintendent, with no explanation.
I wish I could say my initial reaction reflected Jesus. But it didn’t. I cried. I was angry. I lamented. My emotions took over.
Thankfully, I’ve intentionally surrounded myself with people who point me back to the Truth when I can’t see it clearly. While processing my grief with a friend shortly after the news, I said through tears, “I do not want this to make me bitter.”
Deep down, I knew I was heading down a dangerous path.
My friend gently replied, “Ashley, you need to pray for them.”
Her words echoed Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 5:44-48, “Love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven… If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that?… But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.”
Ouch. That was going to require God-sized help.
At first, my prayers were short, stiff, and reluctant. I prayed about the individuals involved more than for them. But over time, as I kept showing up in prayer, something began to change.
God began softening my heart. My prayers shifted. They grew more focused, more sincere. I started genuinely asking the Lord to bless their leadership, give them wisdom, and use them for His glory.
I now work in a neighboring district, and although I still carry some scars, I don’t carry bitterness. My own children still attend the district I left, and I pray fervently for the leadership there because those kids still need wise, compassionate leaders. I may not be in the building anymore, but I’m still planting seeds through prayer, trusting God with the harvest.
Even when the pain feels insurmountable, the Lord wants to make us better equipped to love and to lead. He does not want us to become bitter.
Lord, please reveal any areas in my life where You can transform bitterness into beauty. Help me to live out the actions of Your son, Jesus. God, prepare me to turn over my hurt so that I can glorify You as a testimony to those around me. Use my hurts to show my friends and foes alike another way, Your way. And heal my hurts, God. I trust Your plan and Your goodness. Amen.
Copyright Ashley Blain.
Ashley is a member of Christian Educators and teaches middle school English in Kansas.
