“I lift up my eyes to you, to you who sit enthroned in heaven.” Psalm 123:1, NIV
It’s Friday night. Lights are on. Senior year….here we go. Ready? Down….Set…..Hut. Those three little words put it all in motion. It is a run play. Do your job. Fill the gap, but….in an instant, the ball is out!
That football was mine as I felt myself superman-dive on it—arriving first. I felt body after body crashing into and over mine, arriving a second too late. Every player with even fingertips on the ball realized it was secure in my arms and I wasn’t about to let go.
The refs pulled player after player off of me, and the pile began to feel lighter. My eyes began to focus on the sidelines, and I saw my dad studiously hunched over, peering into the pile. He was wearing a camouflage coat and leather gloves to combat the chilly fall air, waiting to see who had gained control of the ball. I stood, holding up the ball in celebration, and both the ref and my dad simultaneously pointed first down the other direction. Fumble recovery—our ball. Twenty-five years later, I still vividly see and hear my dad clapping those leather gloves together on the sidelines, so proud of me, his son.
I have walked through some difficult trials in this life. I am currently in the midst of a two-year storm. It feels endless. Each day seems like another battle. Toby Mac’s song lyrics reflect the heartache I often feel:
I’ve had a hard time
Findin’ the blue in the skies above me
And if I’m keepin’ it real
I’ve been half-faking the happy they see
I may look like the same man
But I’m half the man I was.
It’s been a hard year, it almost took me down
I question and struggle with thoughts like, WHY?!!?!? Am I not living the way God intended me to live? I assure you—and myself—that those thoughts and those feelings are from the enemy. They are not from God. I know for certain that God is here for you, and He is here for me, too. He is good—even in the eye of whatever storms we are currently battling.
Toby Mac’s song continues:
But when my world broke into pieces
You were there faithfully
When I cried out to You, Jesus
You made a way for me
I may never be the same man
But I’m a man who still believes
When I cried out to you, Jesus
You were there faithfully.
Brothers and sisters, no matter what battle you face, I urge you to keep your eyes on your loving and supportive Heavenly Father, just like that senior Pirate football player from so very long ago. He is not just on the sidelines observing everything happening in your life. He is right there with you in that pileup. He is also pulling away layer by layer so that your view of Him is that much clearer.
Dear Lord, sometimes I fumble the ball, probably more often than I’d like to admit; sometimes I recover it. No matter what, I know You are loving me and cheering me on each and every step of the way. Help me to cast my burdens on You and cling to You wholeheartedly. Thank you for being right by my side, faithfully. I want to please You with every step I take, and I know I cannot do that on my own. Help me to do this all in Jesus’ name. Amen.
Copyright Tom Milbrandt.
Tom is a member and a high school math teacher from North Dakota.
3 Responses
Tom, Thank you for your candor. Sometimes it’s hard to admit that we are half-faking the smiles, especially during the storms. The day after my husband’s 40th birthday, he had a massive stroke in his brain stem. By all accounts, his survival was nothing short of miraculous. He had locked-in syndrome, so he couldn’t move anything except his eyes. He had to relearn to breathe, eat, talk, walk, and use his arms. It has now been 12+ years since that stroke! Praise God! He not only has been able to finish raising his 2 boys, but he has also held his 2 grandchildren and even was the keynote speaker at a men’s retreat this weekend! God really does do more than we could ever ask for or imagine!! He has said on numerous occasions that this song really speaks to how he feels. He has also said, as a lifelong minister, that his greatest sermon came while he lay in a bed unable to speak. 🙂 Tom, as you are in the waiting for this storm to pass, I pray that you will see the sermon God is teaching through you, even while you feel at your weakest. God’s blessings to you and yours!
Thank you Tom and Amy both! You are inspiring and blessing me today 🙂 Our God is SO much bigger than ANYTHING we face!
Thank you for this encouraging message! “Half faking the happy,” described the painful truth of living in this broken world that w
many of us are not easily open about.
So grateful for the reminder that no matter what we are going through & what burdens we carry, we are not alone.